Scott Jones--View from the Hinge

The Leadership Summit 2009 -- Willow Creek Association (Bill Hybels Part 2) #tls09

2) The Financial Lesson, or, "Kingdom Economics"

    The budgetary realities faced by leaders of large churches like Hybels must be incredibly complex--and doing so in the midst of economic havoc many times more bewildering than that.  Willow Creek had made the commitment to BE the church even through a recession--that decision must have some very complicated ramifications.  He said that when it comes to making budgets work in crisis, "the math makes no sense" to the human mind.  They have had to walk more by faith than by sight.  He drew a graph on his flip chart, which showed church revenues declining.  A second line represented the needs of the church and community--that line was getting dramatically higher.  As those two lines cross on the graph, he  admitted, it gets to be quite tense.  How to plan in such volatile conditions?  Hybels said it feels more like guesswork than a plan.  They've attempted to use many sorts of economic forecasting to anticipate revenues and expenses, but there are too many variables in times like these.  He admits that he and many of his leadership team feel unqualified for some of this complex economic management, and that they'd much rather focus on winning souls for Christ than on spreadsheets.  However they knew that the Bible provides God's expectations for them in this area.  Luke 14 says that before a building project is undertaken, costs must be clearly understood and planned for.  If this isn't done, serious embarrassment is sure to take place.  So it's important for all churches to see to it that the church's financial house is in order as much as its doctrinal house.

    So how to lead the economic aspects of church ministry in times of crisis?  Ever in learning mode, Hybels had the great opportunity to interview Jack Welch, former Chairman and CEO of General Electric.  He asked the question of leading in crisis, and Welch replied, "In a crisis, cash is king.  It is absolutely king."  Now, I have a problem with that philosophy when applied to a church context, and Hybels said the same thing, that actually Christ is King.  So with that disclaimer, was there merit to Welch's point?  Other than the "king" thing, Hybels' answer was yes. Here's why: "when an organization is hit broadside, it helps to be sitting on healthy cash reserves" NOT because it is good to rely on money instead of God, but BECAUSE "it gives leaders what leaders need in a crisis, which is time."  A lot of tough calls need to be made in crisis times, and having a bit of money stowed away assists the leader in making those decisions slowly, thoughtfully, and in the right way.  New plans can be made that are well thought-out rather than rushed.  New ways of raising revenue can be thought up.  There is time to redefine priorities on which ministries are vital, versus which ones must necessarily be set aside.  Staffing levels may have to be changed as well. 

    That led to Hybels' exhortation that if staff has to be reduced, churches should follow the Golden Rule.  Lots of notice should be given to the whole church; there should be no surprises.  Advance notice should be given to staffers MONTHS ahead of time, not weeks or days.  He also said that churches should be crystal clear about WHY staff must be reduced.  If the reduction is wholly motivated by the need to reorganize because of money concerns, that should be clearly stated.  I would think that any staff needing to be let go would therefore be spared of torturing themselves mentally, thinking "I must have done a horrible job!"  No, Hybels emphasized.  Churches must be honest and gentle.  They should give GENEROUS severances...in other words, "be Christian about it.  Be the church."  Seems so basic, doesn't it?  Scary that this would even have to be said...but believe me.  It does.

    Back to the subject of reserves, briefly.  In the wake of the havoc wreaked by the recession, lots of pastors have been forced to look for practical advice on subjects NEVER covered in seminary. (That's me; I can discuss postmodernism with you at length, but don't look for guidance on annuities, grant-writing, investments, etc...that stuff is alchemy to me.)  Several pastors have asked for guidance about what percentage of income to hold as long-term cash reserves.  Many are gung-ho about telling families to hold six months of income as reserves, in case of job loss, but it never occurs to them to hold reserves at church for difficult times.  Hybels stated that they are attempting to keep about 25% of annual revenue as reserves...once again to give them time to strategize properly.  (Hybels loves to make jokes about his Dutch ancestry, and didn't miss the chance here..."Being Dutch I could stand to have much more than that...")

    Hybels then moved to give some really good advice, I thought, on how to set priorities during tough times.  Too often the moment of crisis brings paralysis; something needs to be pared back, but what?  It is helpful to know in advance what your plan is in certain contingencies.  Thus, Hybels gathered his leaders with three buckets: A, B, and C.  He also had the names of Willow's ministries and programs on slips of paper.  He then began to discuss various "what if" scenarios with the leadership.  First: what if Willow's revenues were to drop by as much as 50%?  Hopefully that would never happen, but they were considering worst-case scenarios so that nothing would take them by surprise.  If revenues were to be dropped 50%, which ministries would they stop doing first?  They decided together and put those in bucket C.  Now to get really nightmarish: what if income for the church were to drop by 75%?  What would they drop then in order to stay afloat?  They came to consensus and put those slips of paper in bucket B.  Last, what ministries did they commit that they would NEVER stop doing?  What would they go out and work nights so that they could maintain?  Those core ministries' slips of paper were put in bucket A.  He said that this exercise brought amazing clarity to him and his team.  It also prevents paralysis: when certain contingencies arise, they know in advance what to do.

    Even in the midst of all this craziness, Hybels has seen the opportunity for a fresh start.  Thinking ahead to sunnier days, he has had his leadership team brainstorm what their budget planning would look like if they were able to start again from an absolute clean slate.  How would they apportion their income into various areas of priority?  Not only have they come up with an ideal picture; even now they've begun moving in that direction.  Imagine a pie chart, if you will, for that is exactly what Hybels drew on his flipchart at this point (I suppose I could draw something with Paint and put it here, but I'm too lazy.  Draw out your own if you like).  The new budget structure they're moving toward is as follows:

•    50% (and no more than that) to staff and benefits.  This will force them to keep stressing the need for volunteer ministry to step up and do their part to serve the Body of Christ, and for the leadership to prioritize training and mobilizing those volunteers.  This would go a long way in keeping the church from becoming addicted to staff members whom they could pay to "be Christians" on their behalf.
• 10% of the budget would go to missions and charitable work around the world.  Willow has taken a place in the forefront of ministering to those in extreme poverty around the world, alleviating the AIDS crisis, providing life-saving vaccines, medicines, etc.  This budget item would keep that commitment vital.
• 10% of the budget would be earmarked for what Hybels called the "Winds of the Spirit."  He explained that this item was for those times when you're well-into a budget year, expenditures are locked in, and YET a ministry or new initiative has really begun to flourish and people's lives are being impacted.  If the budget is locked, there's nothing you can do about that.  If, however, there are funds set aside for that very purpose, you'd have the resources to "pour on that fire of the Spirit."  If some part of that fund doesn't get used in a given year, you could place it into long-term reserves and, as Hybels said, "pray for the Spirit to work next year."  He said this with levity; obviously the Spirit is working all the time--it's just we mortals that are sometimes too thick to figure out how.
• 15% of the budget to ministry budgets; that is, funding those ministries already up and working.
• 15% to utilities, facilities and any debt service.  I suspect some churches use much more than 15% on these sorts of expenses; designating 15% only would certainly encourage churches to live within their means, wouldn't it?

    The last thing Hybels had to say on the "Kingdom Economics" lesson was, in my mind, the most encouraging of them all.  He gave us leaders the firm assurance that EVEN during recession times, "people will still give sacrificially to a white-hot vision."  In case you doubt consider these mind-blowing anecdotes offered by Hybels.

• After the recession hit hard, they knew they needed to seriously ramp up their support of their food pantry.  They gave the church a big challenge: let's see if we can restock the pantry for the entire year of 2009.  This challenge was met and FAR exceeded.
• They put on a "Celebration of Hope": a three-week drive to give sacrificially to those suffering poverty and AIDS.  During this time, they were dared to eat only subsistence diets and drink only water. (I assume this was to both raise their awareness of what people in poverty have to put up as a way of LIFE, as well as to free extra funds to give!)  A goal was set for this offering (I don't recall Hybels mentioning the amount), and the goal was surpassed THREEFOLD.  Need I say it again?  This is in a recession.
• Right at the time where so many had lost their jobs, the church had begun to try and raise interest in ministries to improve the quality of drinking water in impoverished areas.  In the lobby of the church they placed an enormous water filtration system.  A business man saw this huge contraption and asked Hybels what it was.  He explained that any village with this system could purify 10,000 gallons of water per day.  This would supply the needs of 5,000 people.  Out of the blue, and completely deadpan, this fellow told Hybels, "I think I want to pop for one of those."  I can imagine Hybels stopping in his tracks.  He asked the fellow what "pop" meant to him--did he mean he'd pray about it?  No, the man said, he wanted to BUY one of those systems for a village somewhere.  Hybels cautioned the fellow that the system carried a $25,000 price tag.  The guy shrugged and said, "yeah, that's ok."  Can you imagine Hybels' surprise?  It gets better: the next day at church Hybels told the story (I suppose he kept the man's name anonymous), and after the service FIVE people came up and said they wanted to "pop" for one of those systems as well.  In fact, by the end of their "Celebration of Hope" emphasis, 22 of those systems were "popped for!"  Amazing!  Now obviously, I absolutely cannot relate to a context in which people could get inspired and simply produce $25,000 at will. That's never been my reality, and it's never been a reality anywhere I've ministered.  But instead of envying folks that could do that, the right thing to do is rejoice!  Yes, this world is full of rich, money-grasping people.  But isn't it great to know that God has some people out there whom He's blessed with resources, knowing that they will be open-handed, loving and compassionate with those resources?  You bet it is!  At any rate, Hybels' point was that we should not become demoralized in a downturn.  Give them a vision, and people will still be very generous.  And that's fantastic!

    Thanks for sticking with me as I type out my notes from the Leadership Summit 2009 long-hand.  It's just as much for me as anything, as I try to get all this down in my own words so I can process it and perhaps put some of it into practice.  But for anyone kind enough to read my ramblings, thank you!  In my next post, I'll begin with covering Hybels' third lesson for Leading in a New Reality: The Relational Lesson.

 

The Leadership Summit 2009 -- Willow Creek Association (Bill Hybels Part 1) #tls09

    The first presenter at the Leadership Summit, appropriately, was Bill Hybels, Pastor of the Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Illinois.  As typical for the man, he shared keen insights and hard-won lessons that will doubtless smooth the way for many leaders in these rough times.

    The subject for Hybels' talk was "Leading in a New Reality."

    Hybels is well-known for his love of sailing; it's to be expected that his opener was a nautical illustration.  He shared that before hitting the open water, any sailor worth his salt will take note of weather forecasts, and particularly the wave reports.  On a simple flip chart (a chuckle from me as he was flanked by technology on all sides), he sketched what a wave report might look like: the page filled up with jaggy peaks that reminded me of an EKG.  The peaks represented varying wave-heights; as they get higher, an experienced skipper becomes increasingly concerned about the wisdom of taking a voyage.  Though a skilled sailor can handle fairly rough waters, there is one condition under which NO one with a brain will venture out.  Suddenly Hybels' hand jerked way to the top of the page, denoting a "rogue wave."  This phenomenon is a seemingly-random wave much higher than others; Wikipedia states that they reach up to 35m, or 110 ft., more often than anyone previously thought.  Needless to say, waves of this size are cataclysmic.  They spell danger or death to any vessels unlucky enough to encounter one.  Some believe it was a rogue wave that caused the Edmund Fitzgerald to sink in November 1975.  (Gordon Lightfoot fans such as I are nodding sagely about now, thinking ourselves experts).

    Hybels used the rogue wave concept as an analogy to the economic meltdown we've experienced over the past months.  Individuals and corporations have been staggered by the downturn, and so have churches.  In the case of churches like Willow, one would presume the hit must be especially hard--a very large church, multimillion dollar budgets, parishioners who've been working for just the sort of corporations that have been seriously wounded.  It's hard to grasp just how serious the personal and financial toll has been.  He shared a sober bit of writing from a friend of his, who had come to the realization that everything he once understood to be "normal" had gone...and possibly won't come back.  We've entered a time of great volatility: nationally, socially, personally, economically, spiritually, you name it.  The truth is that this volatility may become the new norm.  From here on, "normal" may come to be a synonym for "chaotic."  As a guy who likes comfortable, controllable, peaceful surroundings, I'm not cheered by this thought.

    It's undeniable that we've reached a time of serious crisis, but Hybels brightened up at this.  He said that this sort of situation causes those with leadership gifts to become curiously energized.  (Perhaps I need to revise my gifts inventory...crisis is hardly "energizing" to me!)  Stormy seas, as Hybels said, force creativity to flourish.  The leader will encounter the steepest learning curve, and greatest opportunities, they've ever encountered.  Point well-made.

    Even if Hybels' leadership gifts have been running on full speed ahead lately, and this exhilarates him, the personal toll of keeping constant attention on the helm can be very draining.  He admitted that his "replenishment bucket" has gotten dangerously low at times (more on that later).  Though he and the church have had to draw heavily on God's strength through these tough times, he said he's learned some important lessons through them.  He presented them under four categories: a Philosophical Lesson, a Financial Lesson, a Relational Lesson, and a Personal Lesson. 

1) The Philosophical Lesson

    If it were me, I'd probably have called this "The Ecclesiological Lesson," but Hybels believes in using plain English--and let's face it, "ecclesiology" (the study of the nature and mission of the church) is a word that doesn't enter into many daily conversations.

    The setting has already been referred to: the ecomony is in the trash can.  Stocks plummet.  Portfolios hemorrhage.  IRA's lose massive amounts of value.  Jobs are lost, payments missed, homes foreclosed, families' hopes devastated.  People are hurting...terribly.  Even as Hybels pastors a church with thousands of people in pain, the organization itself is reeling as revenues plummet and budgets have to be massively revised.  How to deal with such upheaval?  Was Willow to slash ministries and crawl into a self-protective hole until the storm passes, or could it somehow, by God's provision and strength, rise to the challenges facing so many in the church and community?

    Hybels related how he called his leadership together, and one can only guess at how long and desperately they sought the Lord's direction in prayer.  Looking to a textbook example of the church living up to it's highest calling, found in Acts 2, he challenged everyone with the question: do we still believe that the local church, headed by Christ, is the hope of this hurting world?  Even in times like this?  You see, he and Willow have held this as a bedrock value their whole time together.  If it could be made to crumble in scarcity, it would hardly be much of a value after all.  They were steadfast in it, though.  Hardship would not deter them from their mission.

    I would have loved to be there on the day that Hybels told his flock of the church's commitment to walk with them and serve them until the storm passed, and beyond.  He called his people to be determined that they would BE the church in every sense of the word--loving, serving, sacrificing, giving, encouraging. Keeping in mind that there must have been hundreds in the congregation who'd always been on the "giving" side of the equation, imagine how it must have felt to hear Hybels pleading with them, "let us be the church for you now.  Trust in our love, generosity and support."  Can eyes have possibly remained dry?  I think not.  Seeing the church live up to its full potential is just heart-bursting, I can tell you.  Along with the call to the hurting, "let us help and bless you," he likewise issued a call to those not so grievously hurt by the downturn.  Hybels doesn't mince words, and he flat-out told those folks that it was their time to step it up.  Their duty was to give, sacrifice and love as much as it takes to see their brothers and sisters through their trials.  No if's, and's or buts.  You might think that such a message would be hotly rejected as meddling, but it wasn't at all.  It was just the battle cry needed to galvanize the church.  One young couple running a prospering business despite the recession admitted to Hybels that at first they thought he'd slipped a gear...but then they realized how incredibly blessed they were to be part of a church that would really BE the church, no matter what the circumstances.  They made out a check for a truly sacrificial gift...one of those on which, Hybels said, you had to count the zeros very carefully.  Surely this couple must have put much at risk to make such a gift!  This is not casual Christianity...this is the real deal!

    Willow's social ministries, therefore, (food pantry, etc) have kicked into overdrive--not just to members, but to their hurting community.  They dramatically redesigned their worship services as well.  Setting aside planned sermon series, they began focusing on scriptures which promise God's healing to the hurting, and giving victory to those who wait on Him.  They "blurred" the ending of the service as well.  It became clear to the leaders that there were many people in the congregation who were hurting so badly, they just needed to stay in God's presence and experience His healing for their hearts.  Folks are welcome to stay as long as they need, pray, weep if they want, and let healing music wash over them as the worship team sings gently.

    I am glad that Willow has chosen to really BE the church when times are tough.  Any church of their size and scope could easily have opted to cut losses and draw inward until the storm passes over.  In other words, to be a corporation instead of a church, which unfortunately sometimes happens.  In this case, Christ wins--and I'm very glad of it.  As many faults as the Church still has--we won't be perfected until the marriage of the Lamb--sometimes the occasion stirs her out of her slumber, and you get a little preview of the glorified Bride that God has destined her to be.  It gives one such hope.  May we see this side of the Church more and more, as the time truly is short.

    In my next post, we'll continue on to Hybels' second lesson for Leading in a New Reality--the Financial Lesson.

   

The Leadership Summit 2009 -- Willow Creek Association (First Impressions) #tls09

    Ahh it's good to be landed back at home again.  After plenty of time hanging out with my wife and my boys, then getting a long-delayed internet fix, I get to queue some music up on iTunes (U2's Boy in honor of an experience I had today), and write a bit about what has kept me busy these past couple of days.

    It began yesterday, August 6, when I showed up in the parking lot of Frederick Boulevard Baptist Church, St. Joseph, MO, to catch a bus to Liberty, MO (Kansas City suburb).  Thanks to that church's thoughtfulness and hospitality (special thanks to Pastor Micah Fries and his very thoughtful assistant Jan, who suggested it), I was blessed with a ticket to attend a satellite conference of Willow Creek's Leadership Summit.  What a great opportunity!  Needless to say I leapt at the chance.  The destination was Pleasant Valley Baptist Church, a large church in the KC suburb of Liberty.  That church is exemplary, by the way.  There's a vibrant volunteer culture there, with most major ministry concerns faithfully carried out by the laypeople.  This was on full display with the miniature army of smiling folks in trademark blue polo shirts.  They were there to give directions, herd crowds, and just generally give you a big smile and a very genuine welcome.  There was nothing at all contrived or forced about their demeanor...they were truly warmhearted folks.

    Entering their sanctuary, I got an eye-full with three REALLY big video screens onstage.  There was also a fabulous sound system ... alright, I'll stop drooling now.  Suffice it to say, I get a bit wowed by technology.  A countdown on the screen rolled over to 9 am, and I was just about knocked backward by the wash of media.  Now let me admit this: I had never attended a conference by satellite before, and I had just a little grain of skepticism about how "drawn in" I'd be by watching a TV (ok...a really, really BIG TV) for two days.  From the launch, however, any slight doubts I had were slapped aside like gnats.

    Man, talk about a fabulous opening.  It's hard to describe in words, and really cheesy to do so since this was a huge sensory experience.  But to describe it as best as I can, there was an awesome opening song, with videos taken of believers around the world.  Somehow they coordinated these hundreds of people to sing the same song, which was combined and layered in the final piece.  Sometimes everyone sang in English, sometimes they broke into their first languages.  The video kept flashing from one location to the next, then combining into a montage of multiple screens within a screen, and then the montage took the shape of a globe.  All of these joyful believers singing the same song...just RIPPING good stuff.  The song went into the background while several of these global believers shared snippets of Scripture and personal testimony about their confidence in God...then went back to the finale of the song.  Wow wow wow.  I was hooked.  Having been to a couple of the first Leadership Summits at Willow when I was a seminary student in the Chicago area, all I can say is this: in the 13 or 14 years since I last attended, they have honed their craft.  Considerably.  In my next post I'll begin to share what I took away from the first presentation: that of Bill Hybels, Pastor of Willow Creek Community Church.

Too Busy to Talk to God? Let a Computer Do It for You!

This is too much.  Just absolutely too much.

I forget whether I was meandering around Foxnews.com or the Drudge Report, but whichever it was, my Outrage-o-Meter went off the charts when I was led to a story about a website that sells prayers for those whose busy lifestyles preclude them from saying the simplest little prayers to our Creator.

It's called Information Age Prayer, and it introduces its service in this way: "Information Age Prayer is a subscription service utilizing a computer with text-to-speech capability to incant your prayers each day. It gives you the satisfaction of knowing that your prayers will always be said even if you wake up late, or forget."

How to describe my reaction?  Hmm...flabbergasted?  Outraged? Incredulous?  Livid?  (I'll avoid certain other words due to my Christian faith).  Needless to say, this is the most jaw-dropping fiasco I've encountered in some time.

There are just so many things to say about this total sham.  For one, expecting God to listen to computers that pray is beyond ludicrous.  Computers have no eternal soul.  They have no capacity whatever to relate to God.  When they reproduce words using voice simulation technology, it's just that...word reproduction.  There's no spiritual content or value to it whatever.

Another consideration: anyone that is too busy, sleep deprived or forgetful to pray has a really poor set of priorities.  Each person finds time to do what he or she finds to be really important.  If you're too busy or forgetful to pray, then your relationship with God has very little importance to you.  You'll find your true god is wherever you spend the most time, energy, resources and attention.  If other matters in your life keep you from even speaking to the God of the Bible, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, then don't bother with spending money to have a computer reproduce prayers to Him.  You don't know Him at all, and I guarantee you the computer will earn you NO FAVOR with Him.

Why won't it earn you favor?  Because God is NOT moved by mere words spoken in prayer, as if they were some sort of magical incantation.  The one, and ONLY, thing He cares about is whether you and He have a genuine, Father/child relationship.  And that's really the crux of why this Information Age Prayer is just...stupid!!

Think of it this way.  Pretty soon my folks will be moving out of a rented home and into a new parsonage that their church built for them.  When they vacate the rental, my family and I will be moving into that house because it's bigger, nicer and has more storage.  In the next several weeks there will be boxes to pack, nooks and crannies to clean, and furniture to move, for both households.  My Dad will need help moving things, and I'll need help in turn.  Now, what will be my motivation to help my Dad?  Well, perhaps I'll be convinced to help him if he comes up to me and says, "My son, who art on the other side of town, strong be thine arm!  Thy pickup come, thy muscles lift my couch, and yea, mine armoire...." (And so on).  Or will such putrid, flowery words be the means by which I'll motivate Dad to help me?  Of course not!!  I'm going to bust my back for my Dad because he's my Dad.  And he'll wear himself out for me because I'm his son.  It would be insulting for either of us to think that it is the WORDS we use that make us willing to help each other.  We do it because he's my Dad, and I'm his son.  We love each other.  End of story!

It seems so completely BASIC when we talk about human relationships--family.  How is it that somehow we get stuck on stupid when it comes to our relationship to God?  He does not care a FIG about fancy words, about prayer-incantations.  They don't merit us one iota of favor, forgiveness or provision from God.  You can say the most eloquent prayer in the world, and if you don't know God as your Heavenly Father it will gain you precisely nothing.  He doesn't want RELIGION, or RITUAL, from me, you or anybody.  He cares only about whether or not you're in the Family.  Is He your Father?  Are you His child?  Do you love Him--really love Him?  If so, you won't have to worry about putting the right words together.  Just ask Him for what you need, and He'll be there.  You won't need a computer chanting tinny, robot-prayers for you.

Are you in the Family of God?  You don't get there by fancy words, or Boy Scout good deeds, or any religious ritual.  You become His child by the finished sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the Cross--His blood shed to wash your sins away and to raise you up from spiritual death to eternal life.  Trust in Jesus.  Make God your Father and your Lord.  Don't pay money for a stupid computer to pray for you.  Accept what Jesus has already paid for you to become a true child of God.

Consider Those Poor Chocolate Bunnies at Easter Time!

Haha!  I can't stand it!  Look at this!

Music + Technology = Fun

I am a big music lover.  I am also rather enamored with computers and technology.  In my surfing about on YouTube, I discovered a lady who employs both at the same time.  Imogen Heap is her name, and in this YouTube clip she builds a song right before your eyes (or ears), using looping technology to layer her voice many times over.  Fascinating demonstration of what computers, and a healthy amount of musical talent, can do!  [Disclaimer: I'm not terribly familiar with this artists' work, so I'm not endorsing it as a whole.  This one piece, however, is very interesting.]

Family-Friendly Movies Make Far More Money -- Yet Hollywood Continues to Produce Celluloid Sewage

I just came across a good article from Breitbart.com, in which the author gives hard numbers on box office returns from various sorts of movies.  To view that article, click right here.  As you'll see from the numbers, movies with family-friendly content make far and away more money than those with bad language, sexual immorality, violence and drug abuse.

Hollywood is big business, right?  All about the bottom line?  If so, one would assume that they would make exclusively the sort of movies that make the most profit.  And yet, they insist upon foisting moral depravity upon the moviegoing public, fully aware that it's not making them as much money.  I think it is clear that Hollywood must be about something other than just sound business principles; it must be engaged in social engineering.  After all, to deliberately present messages that they know lose profit...the only explanation for that can be an agenda.

Silver-Haired Escape Artist

Today (Sunday), it was my turn to bring a mini-worship service to our local nursing home.  It's always an...interesting...experience.  Today it must have been 'Drive-the-Pastor-Batty Day," judging by the interruptions that came from the front door alarm every two minutes (and I am not exaggerating).  There's a code pad you have to key just right to get the door to open and shut quietly; if you make the slightest error you get treated to a sonic lobotomy.  The place we do services is right by that door, and I can tell you that there were MANY in and out that door today who either 1) Did not understand how to properly operate the keypad, or 2) Have a serious sadistic streak when it comes to ministers trying to speak.  Obviously, the alarm is there to prevent escapes by those residents who need constant watching.  It was certainly nerve-racking, though, and made for interesting new Bible readings.  "For God so BEEP BEEP BEEP orld that BEEP BEEPis Only BeBEEP BEEP BEEPon, that whoBEEP BEEPer beleBEEP BEEP BEEP Him wilBEEP BEEP BEEPish but haBEEP BEEPver lastBEEP BEEPife."

I'd have a serious problem knowing what that said, if I didn't already have that passage down cold.  Now imagine 15 or so seniors who can barely hear.

One of the main beepers came in the form of a very clever old gal who very obviously is in the throes of some sort of dementia or Alzheimers.  Regardless of her confusion, she was totally committed to the goal of getting out of that door.  Every time someone would come in or out, she'd lunge for it.  I learned she has a habit of asking people to punch in the code for her (so no one would catch her, of course; she's no dullard, this scamp).  And a couple times this afternoon she decided to throw caution to the four winds and just exit on her own.  She made it completely outside once, and the nurses were really nice about it.  They followed her out, sat on a bench with her for awhile, and then brought her back in.  Perhaps they thought she had worked it out of her system.

WRONG.  As soon as this dear old gal got back in she started right back in stalking the front door.  It was really funny; she'd get closer and closer, reaching her hand out in anticipation, and then she'd jerk it back angrily and mumble very unpleasant things under her breath.  She knew very well that the alarm would go off again, with all the melodic grace of the Apocalypse, and there she'd be with everyone's attention on her, humiliated.  She really started to hate that alarm!  She'd shake her fist at it and declare "I wish I had a hatchet to chop that thing off with!"  So funny, in a way...but of course I also felt sad for her because she was confused and feeble...and she no longer felt in control of her life.  She was under the supervision of others, and that loss of autonomy isn't something we should take lightly until we've experienced it ourselves.

Watching this dear old gal's efforts to transcend the limits placed on her, and raging against them, set me thinking.  In our sinfulness we're all a lot like that old gal.  God has prescribed the proper limits within which you and I are supposed to live.  It's a good life He's made for us.  If we simply walk in His ways, He can bless us, provide for us, and show us His power and love in ways beyond our imagining.  The limits God has for us aren't restrictive or harsh; there's an abundance of provision set aside for us there.  All we have to do is stay within His will for us.  What happens, however?  We become obsessed with nothing else than the limits.  There's so little that God would have us stay away from, and yet we pick nits, split hairs, and ignore God's blessings in order to focus on nothing but the limits.  We test those limits.  We edge closer and closer.  We seek the opening to rush past the boundaries for what we think are the greener pastures beyond them.  How wicked we are, that knowing the boundaries God places on us, we think of NOTHING ELSE than breaching them!

What happens, though, when we rush past the limits and break out into the open?  We tell ourselves there is freedom there, but there we find only confusion, chaos, fear, and heartbreak.  That sweet old gal was obsessed with getting out of the door of that nursing home.  Once she broke out, however, she found it wasn't what it was cracked up to be.  I'm not sure what she was expecting to find, but she only ended up pacing back and forth in the parking lot, looking scared and lost.  She was too far gone in her dementia to get off the property and go to a place of her choosing.  All she could do was to spin her wheels.  Whenever we break out of our God-ordained boundaries, we experience just the same thing.  We tell ourselves, the world tells us, and Satan tells us that once we break the barrier, we'll find freedom.  We'll find pleasure and joy!  And yet when we carry out our escape we discover only...lostness.  We find pain instead of pleasure.  We find heartbreak and tragedy instead of joy.  Finally, in our hurt we cry out, "God!  I'm out here alone and lost!  I'm so hurt and scared!  Take me back home again!"  God in His grace does just that.  He forgives. He restores.  He lovingly escorts us back to the safe pastures of His will, once again asking only that we stay within the bounds where He can bless and protect us.  We feel so relieved!

And yet, like the dear lady at the nursing home, it isn't long before our spiritual dementia kicks in.  By and by, we are once again pacing back and forth, grumbling at the bounds and looking for an opportunity to escape.

Praise the Lord that we have a long-suffering God.  He's so patient with His wandering sheep.  We should remember, however, that sometimes a loving shepherd must take extreme steps to keep particularly wander-prone sheep from straying again.  Sometimes, out of best interest for the sheep, he must break the sheep's leg.  Having wounded the sheep, he then hoists the sheep up on his shoulders and carries it everywhere until that leg finally heals.  Then, when the sheep is ready to walk again, the idea is that it has become to attached to the shepherd that it won't wander away again.

I doubt that the old lady at the nursing home will have her leg broken to keep her from wandering off (the law would tend to frown on such a thing).  Yet, let's be clear: God loves us so much that if He needs to, He WILL break us in order to keep us from wandering away again into hurt and ruin.  Far better that we just stay within the bounds, don't you think?  Trust the Lord.  Trust your Good Shepherd.  Stay within His bounds, and you'll find all the provision, protection, blessing and rest that you'll ever need.

Harvest Moons Are Awesome

It's nights like this that make me wish I had one of those huge tele-photo lenses.  It's an absolutely beautiful evening out there, with one of the biggest, most colorful harvest moons I've seen in a long time.  Here it is with my puny little digital camera... God certainly knows what He's doing :)

8 iPhone Owners Have "Stars upon Thars", Buy Hyper-Snobby Screen Saver Before Apple Removes It

How many of you remember this dandy little story by Dr. Suess, The Sneetches?  In the story, Dr. Suess rightly holds snobbery-based-upon-appearance to grand ridicule.  These bipedal, duck-like critters start sorting themselves into classes based upon which of them have stars on their bellies.  Those that do have them dub themselves "the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches."  Well, the non-star-bellied Sneetches feel envious and slighted.  More than anything they wish to have "stars upon thars," thereby placing themselves among the Rich and Famous.  Enter an enterprising little...thing...named Sylvester McMonkey McBean.  He unveils a machine which will place stars upon the bellies of the plain-bellied Sneetches, for the low, low price of 3 bucks each.  Every one of them pay the money and get their stars, resulting in all Sneetches having "stars upon thars."

The ORIGINAL star-bellied Sneetches are mightily put out.  They wish to maintain their illusion of superiority, but now that every Sneetch has a star, how to make the distinction?  Sylvester McMonkey McBean sidles up once more, having made a few adjustments to his machine.  Now, for the price of TEN dollars the original star-bellies can have their stars removed.  Then they can declare that the best sort of Sneetch has no star; their elite status is saved!  Every one of them enthusiastically plunks down his sawbuck, and the plain-bellies proclaim their favored status once again!

Here's where everything runs amuck.  Eager to keep their new-found status, the originally plain-bellied Sneetches who paid to have stars upon thars pay 10 bucks to have their stars removed once again.  The original star-bellied Sneetches who paid to have their stars removed pay 10 bucks to have their stars put back on! Before long there's such chaos and disorder that the line at the machine gets totally mixed up.  Those getting stars and those removing stars are in a huge jumble, paying again and again, getting stars and removing them.  The denouement: they all run out of money, nobody can tell who's who anymore, and Sylvester McMonkey McBean rides off, laughing all the way to the bank.  How stupid those Sneetches were!  How foolish!  How shallow!  Certainly that sort of thing would never happen in real life!

I can hear poor Dr. Suess rolling over in his grave.

Apple's iPhone is quite the little status symbol in its own right.  Originally sold at the absolutely stupid price of $600, it was a way for human Sneetches to declare their techological coolness and superiority.  The iPhone's second incarnation is supposedly better and faster, with a price tag of only $200.  That's quite a bit more like it (though I've heard that by the time most folks get done getting the new iPhone equipped with the things they think they need, they'll shell out an awful lot more than $200).  This put the iPhone within reach of a lot more people; predictably, sales have been explosive.

Now that the great, unwashed masses have access to iPhone coolness, perhaps the original human Sneetches feel their exclusivity in jeopardy.  That's what a man by the name of Armin Heinrich must have been betting on, because he developed a very unimpressive screensaver by the pretentious name of "I Am Rich."  This story on foxnews.com relates how the screensaver works.  It displays a glowing red jewel on the screen, such as you see in this second picture.  That's all it does.  How much would you pay for such a screensaver?

How about $1000?

Yep.  $999, to be precise, but that's the price Heinrich put on his screensaver when he offered it through iTunes.  Now I ask you: what would possibly move someone to pay such a price for something so worthless? According to Heinrich, the whole purpose is this: whenever you see that glowing red jewel on your screen, it "always reminds you (and others when you show it to them) that you were able to afford this. It's a work of art with no hidden function at all." That's just insulting.  (If anyone reading this finds Heinrich's rationale attractive, it's doubtful that you and I will ever be friends)

When I first started reading the story, I thought it was a joke.  Then I thought to myself, "no one will ever dignify that jerk by sending him a cent."  I was wrong.  As it turns out, 8 people purchased that stupid thing.  U-N-B-E-L-I-E-V-A-B-L-E.  It seems the Sneetches are alive and well, with a much larger fund of money than brains.  Apple, at least, had the decency to pull the travesty from iTunes...but not before 8 people had the opportunity to display themselves as self-centered, shallow fools. The buyers included one person from France, one from Germany, and....

SIX from the United States.

May God have mercy upon our country.