How many of you remember this dandy little story by Dr. Suess, The Sneetches? In the story, Dr. Suess rightly holds snobbery-based-upon-appearance to grand ridicule. These bipedal, duck-like critters start sorting themselves into classes based upon which of them have stars on their bellies. Those that do have them dub themselves "the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches." Well, the non-star-bellied Sneetches feel envious and slighted. More than anything they wish to have "stars upon thars," thereby placing themselves among the Rich and Famous. Enter an enterprising little...thing...named Sylvester McMonkey McBean. He unveils a machine which will place stars upon the bellies of the plain-bellied Sneetches, for the low, low price of 3 bucks each. Every one of them pay the money and get their stars, resulting in all Sneetches having "stars upon thars."
The ORIGINAL star-bellied Sneetches are mightily put out. They wish to maintain their illusion of superiority, but now that every Sneetch has a star, how to make the distinction? Sylvester McMonkey McBean sidles up once more, having made a few adjustments to his machine. Now, for the price of TEN dollars the original star-bellies can have their stars removed. Then they can declare that the best sort of Sneetch has no star; their elite status is saved! Every one of them enthusiastically plunks down his sawbuck, and the plain-bellies proclaim their favored status once again!
Here's where everything runs amuck. Eager to keep their new-found status, the originally plain-bellied Sneetches who paid to have stars upon thars pay 10 bucks to have their stars removed once again. The original star-bellied Sneetches who paid to have their stars removed pay 10 bucks to have their stars put back on! Before long there's such chaos and disorder that the line at the machine gets totally mixed up. Those getting stars and those removing stars are in a huge jumble, paying again and again, getting stars and removing them. The denouement: they all run out of money, nobody can tell who's who anymore, and Sylvester McMonkey McBean rides off, laughing all the way to the bank. How stupid those Sneetches were! How foolish! How shallow! Certainly that sort of thing would never happen in real life!
I can hear poor Dr. Suess rolling over in his grave.
Apple's iPhone is quite the little status symbol in its own right. Originally sold at the absolutely stupid price of $600, it was a way for human Sneetches to declare their techological coolness and superiority. The iPhone's second incarnation is supposedly better and faster, with a price tag of only $200. That's quite a bit more like it (though I've heard that by the time most folks get done getting the new iPhone equipped with the things they think they need, they'll shell out an awful lot more than $200). This put the iPhone within reach of a lot more people; predictably, sales have been explosive.
Now that the great, unwashed masses have access to iPhone coolness, perhaps the original human Sneetches feel their exclusivity in jeopardy. That's what a man by the name of Armin Heinrich must have been betting on, because he developed a very unimpressive screensaver by the pretentious name of "I Am Rich." This story on foxnews.com relates how the screensaver works. It displays a glowing red jewel on the screen, such as you see in this second picture. That's all it does. How much would you pay for such a screensaver?
How about $1000?
Yep. $999, to be precise, but that's the price Heinrich put on his screensaver when he offered it through iTunes. Now I ask you: what would possibly move someone to pay such a price for something so worthless? According to Heinrich, the whole purpose is this: whenever you see that glowing red jewel on your screen, it "always reminds you (and others when you show it to them) that you were able to afford this. It's a work of art with no hidden function at all." That's just insulting. (If anyone reading this finds Heinrich's rationale attractive, it's doubtful that you and I will ever be friends)
When I first started reading the story, I thought it was a joke. Then I thought to myself, "no one will ever dignify that jerk by sending him a cent." I was wrong. As it turns out, 8 people purchased that stupid thing. U-N-B-E-L-I-E-V-A-B-L-E. It seems the Sneetches are alive and well, with a much larger fund of money than brains. Apple, at least, had the decency to pull the travesty from iTunes...but not before 8 people had the opportunity to display themselves as self-centered, shallow fools. The buyers included one person from France, one from Germany, and....
SIX from the United States.
May God have mercy upon our country.
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